They Said We’d Never Make It

Joe and I grew up in the same hometown, but we did not start dating until after high school.

Summer love happened, and a year and some change later, I found out I was expecting a baby.

Now, you will learn this about me as we travel through these stories together. I put a lot of pressure on myself.

I had a plan.

I would graduate, get married at 23, and have my first child by 25.

Not 20.

But life has never shown much respect for my carefully constructed timelines.

On August 22, 2005, I told Joe I was pregnant.

He responded by driving me about 30 miles outside of town to a little place called Salem.

I was beginning to wonder if I was going to make it back to Perry.

As it turned out, he was simply doing some thinking. A lot of thinking, apparently.

A few days later, we would tell our parents separately. His poor mama found out on her birthday that she was going to be a grandmother.

Happy birthday!

The real kicker was that Joe and I were both still living at home.

Oh goodness, those early days.

We were the youngest and poorest we would ever be. We knew very little about raising a baby, building a home, or planning a future.

Looking back, though, some of those days were the best.

The Question Every Mama Asks

After my mother-in-law had a few days to process the news, she asked Joe the question any God-fearing mama would ask her son.

“Would you marry her?”

Joe’s answer was, “Oh, heck yeah.”

We had already talked about marriage, but we had agreed to wait. Still, I knew one thing for certain. I did not want my baby to have a different last name from either parent.

Then came September 13, 2005.

I had borrowed some clothes from my cousin Brittany for a wedding shower for my friend Hope. Brittany is important, but we will get to more of her story later.

That evening, I had just returned the clothes to her house when Joe and I headed down Old Dixie Highway.

The conversation was nothing like I imagined a proposal would be.

There was no carefully planned speech, no photographer hiding nearby, and no candlelit dinner.

Somewhere along Old Dixie Highway, Joe pulled out a ring and asked me to be his wife.

Because really, what name goes better with LaValle than LaDonna?

I was completely floored.

Even though we had talked about waiting, I said yes.

She Has Already Seen It

Naturally, I wanted to go show his mama.

Joe said, “She’s already seen it.”

I told him, “But she hasn’t seen it on my hand.”

When we arrived, she and I hugged, and we were all excited. Then she looked at me and said, “I got you something.”

She disappeared toward the back of the house and returned carrying several pieces of clothing covered by a garment bag.

Across the front was one word:

Motherhood.

For those who do not remember the store Motherhood, it took maternity fashion to an entirely different level.

Women today should be thankful. Before that, many maternity clothes looked like someone had taken a perfectly good floral curtain, added a bow to the collar, and called it fashion.

My mother-in-law pulled out each piece, one by one.

There were cute tops, comfortable pants, and even clothes I could wear to work.

I was in complete awe.

Until then, my greatest maternity discovery had been using a hair tie to get a little more wear out of my regular jeans.

That struggle was officially over.

I now owned pants with fabric bellies.

I had arrived!

Joe and I returned to my house, and I showed everything to my mama. We could not get over how thoughtful it was or how cute the clothes were.

But looking back, I realize she gave me much more than maternity clothes that night.

Loving Someone for the Long Haul

I knew my mother-in-law was probably not proud of the way Joe and I became parents.

It was not the plan she would have chosen for us.

It was not the plan I had chosen for myself either.

But she supported me.

She did not make me feel ashamed. She did not hold my mistake over my head. Instead, she found a way to step into an uncertain season and help me feel cared for.

She taught me more through my mistakes about loving someone for the long haul than I think she ever realized.

That bag from Motherhood said something without her ever having to put it into words:

This may not be how we planned it, but you are not going through it alone.

There would be plenty of hard days ahead. Joe and I were young, broke, and trying to build a life while we were still figuring out who we were.

There were people who did not believe we would make it.

Honestly, if you had looked at us on paper, you might not have blamed them.

But September 13, 2005, was a pretty good night.

A boy and a girl who knew almost nothing suddenly had a ring, a baby on the way, two families trying to help, and a bag full of maternity clothes.

We did not know everything.

But in that moment, we had everything we needed.

Twenty-one years later, I can tell you we did not make it because we always knew what we were doing.

We made it because we kept choosing one another.

We grew up together. We built a family. We made mistakes, learned lessons, survived hard seasons, and found reasons to laugh through all of it.

They said we would never make it.

But here we are.

And Joe was right about one thing from the very beginning.

Nothing goes better with LaValle than LaDonna. ;)

Happy proposal anniversary to us.

-LaDonna LaValle