Raising a Girl in a Hard World
In September 2010, we found out we were having a girl.
That year had already been hard. On April 23, Mama found out she had breast cancer, and our family began the journey of helping her heal. Then, on June 1, we discovered we were expecting our second child. Conner was three years old, and this baby gave our family something joyful to look forward to.
Mama had retired from the school about a year and a half before her diagnosis. She was ready to be a full-time grannysitter. For those of you who didn’t have one, that’s a grandmother who watches your baby for free.
Everyone was excited about a girl. Joe is one of four boys, and the youngest girl on his side of the family was already in her teens. Everyone was ready for another little girl.
Well, almost everyone.
When Conner heard, “It’s a girl,” he looked at his daddy with pure disgust. He wanted a brother. Looking back, he did get one. He just had to wait thirteen years. lol
I was thrilled to have a daughter. What I didn’t realize was how hard it can be to raise a girl. I had forgotten how tough it could be growing up, trying to figure out who you are while other girls are figuring out who they are, too. Sometimes somebody decides they don’t like you, and you can’t find a reason no matter how hard you look.
How do you walk your daughter through that?
I don’t know exactly how I did it, but I raised a tough one. She knows who she is, and she doesn’t let every opinion shake her. Lord, thank You for that. I admire that trait in her.
I’ve wanted her to know her worth through the love and example of the men in her life. I want her to recognize what it looks like to be respected so she never feels she has to settle for less. I’ve also wanted her rooted in the Bible, knowing that her value was there long before anyone else had an opinion about her.
I want her to know Esther’s courage, Ruth’s loyalty, Mary’s faith, Naomi’s wisdom, and Martha’s willingness to serve. I want her to know about the woman at the well, too. Her story reminds us that even when we’ve made mistakes, Jesus will still meet us where we are and speak life to us.
I wish I could protect my daughter from every hurtful person and every hard day. I can’t. I used to think people grew out of the jealousy and meanness we saw in school. Some do. Some don’t. I’ve seen grown people give advice they don’t follow themselves and preach about doing right while treating their neighbors with anything but kindness.
So I’ve tried to teach my daughter to look at how people treat others. To seek the truth. To be kind without letting people walk all over her. To hold on to her faith when the ground feels like it’s shaking beneath her feet. And most of all, to know she can always come to me, even when we don’t agree.
I’ve spent so much of my parenting life trying to raise my kids beyond the trauma I experienced as a child. If you knew my full story, you might wonder how I beat the odds. I should have been a statistic, but by God’s grace, I became an outlier. I haven’t gotten everything right. I’ve just done my best to give my children what I needed back then and to stop some things from being passed down.
And mamas, give yourselves grace. This is your first time living, too. You can get all the advice in the world and still learn some things the hard way. Lord knows I have. Sometimes that’s just human nature. When you get it wrong, you can apologize, learn, and keep showing up.
So if you’re raising a girl, let me tell you what I’d tell a friend: suit her up in the armor of God. Tell her the battles are coming, and you want her prepared. Teach her to pray, to know what the Bible says, and to remember who she is and whose she is.
And make sure she knows she can always come home to you. Even when she’s made a mistake. Even when you don’t agree. Even when life gets messy.
That’s what I hope my daughter carries with her: she is loved, she is valuable, and she never has to face this world alone.
Mama Tried,
LaDonna
PS. Happy Belated National Daughter's Day, Maybre
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